Taylor Gibbons

I was JG’s first grandchild.  Because I lived so close to my other grandparents, I saw them often and formed a relationship with them much like I have with my own parents.  Therefore, it was always a treat to go visit JG and Pops. They spoiled me! Pops would bounce me on his knee and sing his signature “OMPS” song and I would stay up all night with JG under tents made by placing sheets on top of tall chairs and old bar stools.  We would watch Peter Pan continuously and eat oatmeal cookies until I was so sleepy I could hardly hold my eyes open.  JG would sing her “Teddy Bear Tea Party” song to me and tickle my back as I drifted off to sleep. The next day we would go out in the pontoon boat on “Golden Pond” (what Pops calls Lake Murray) with my beloved baby doll, Amy. Pops would even let me drive the boat!

Memories like these are what makes it so difficult emotionally….to remember JG as herself and then see what Alzheimer’s did to her.  When I would go to visit her in the early stages, we would help her put outfits together in her closet (she loved dressing a little offbeat but always perfectly planned!).  Soon after I would hear her being aggressive and angry towards Pops as he cried and tried to care for her himself until, finally, we were forced to move her to a nursing home. There we faced even more problems trying to determine which medicines were helping her and which were having adverse affects.  Because there aren’t any medications that can cure or stop the progression of Alzheimer’s Disease it was always a cat and mouse chase for us, something I am dreading now as my grandmother on my mother’s side of the family begins the ascent into this dreadful disease.

The truth is that this disease is misunderstood by people who haven’t experienced it first hand. I will have bad days when something triggers tears from the memories I had with JG and when I try to explain it to my friends they can’t grasp the intensity of the hurt or understand the reality of the disease.  My friends think that JG simply lost her memory but the truth is, she died years ago.  This disease tortured the people who were still living, watching her die while her soul remained on Earth, until it would finally be reunited with her when she arrived in heaven.  JG had left.  Eventually, I was visiting a body.  JG would sit and my parents and I would go and say hello and we love you and miss you and how are you doing, but there was a glazed over blank stare in return as she lay in her bed.  It was really a hospital.

The last week before she passed I went to visit JG and then had dinner with my Dad and Pops for Pops’ birthday.  I just sobbed, I knew it was coming.  JG was on morphine and oxygen because her body was shutting down.  In a way I thought it wouldn’t happen because she had been this close twice before, and we had been told that we would lose her within a couple of days, but JG just kept pushing.  Some may disagree, but in my opinion Alzheimer’s is the worst disease there is.  Anything that takes your mind and your soul without your knowledge as your body sits and exists, anything that makes you feel scared, confused, and in danger not recognizing anything or anyone around you on a daily basis for years at a time is my definition of Hell.  With other diseases, you get sick and if it is going to kill you, even if it is through suffering, it will usually do so in a defined amount of time and doctors can tell YOU what is happening.  Yes, families are affected and it is tragic but you can say goodbye, you can prepare for it, and you have an idea of the progression and what to expect and you can choose what you want to do as you live out the rest of your life.  Alzheimer’s doesn’t allow for any of this.

I know that JG’s mother (my great grandmother) also had Alzheimer’s disease and my parents and even my sister, my cousins, and I are very likely to suffer from Alzheimer’s and it terrifies me.  That is why we need to do something about it.  Leeza’s Place has made a tremendous leap in helping families learn about this disease and how to deal with all of the uncertainties.  There is research in progress as more and more people suffer with this disease and we are learning more now than ever before.  We have so many resources available to us and I truly believe that we can stop Alzheimer’s disease in the next couple of years.  Become involved, volunteer, participate with your time, talents and treasure.  Take advantage of Leeza’s Place, and donate to help research find a cure.